


Till Death Do us Part

by HannaEroda



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Larry Stylinson Is Real, M/M, larry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:20:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23915956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HannaEroda/pseuds/HannaEroda
Summary: 'After a 5 years hiatus the band finally reunited. Louis regretted giving in to the pressure and leaving Harry. The boys hadn't spoken a singel word to each other  during the hiatus. Despite them not talking to each other they had still been communicating to each other in other ways.'
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik/Liam Payne
Comments: 2
Kudos: 32





	1. Chapter 1

It felt like someone was kicking him hard in the stomach when he saw the text.

SIMON- Hi Louis, since you haven't answered any of my calls, I have no other choice then text you. I didn't want to text you about this since it's such a big thing but anyways. I have talked to the other boys, and well we all think it's a good idea to bring back the band. I mean it's been about 18 moths about now, has it? But all jokes aside call me back so I can explain what we are thinking. 

4 years and 5 months, he felt ashamed that he knew exactly how long it's been since him and Harry broke up. 4 years and 5 months ago I broke Harry's and my own heart, Louis thought to himself. He remembered all the god things he and Harry had done during their years as a couple. Louis always thought it was hard having to hide their relationship to the public, how Simon and the management made them hide it. But of corse Harry made him feel better and they even found it kind of funny hinting to their fans in interviews that they were a thing. They would be touching each other and saying things that just made no sense. But mostly they liked teasing each other. Knowing they could't be together in public just made them desire each other even more. The touching and flirting would drive Louis crazy. Once Louis even made Harry have a but plug in during an interview and Louis teased him by touching him. He could se how Harry were going crazy. 

Imagining seeing Harry in real life again hurt Louis so bad. He knew it was all his fault that he and Harry broke up in the first place but he never stoped loving him. Harry and Louis had been dropping hints to each other during the past five years to remind them that it would always be them. Louis knew his heart would always belong to Harry and he was okey whit that. The tattoos on their arms would never disappear much like their love for each other. Knowing their love was permanent didn't change the fact that Louis had gave in to the pressure and broke Harrys heart. And now they would for the first time look in each others eyes, talking. Their communication for the past five years had only been thru songs, tweets, colors and other subliminal things but now, now they would speak actual words. A tear, cold and heavy slowly working it's way from Louis eye to his now eminent jaw as he put his phone back in his pocket. He put his headphones back in, at a low volume Sweet Creature was playing. 

_________

The building looked smaller than Louis remembered. He stood there for a few minuts just looking at it. Sipping for air as he forgot to breath. 'Oi oi, if it isn't the one, the only Louis Tomlinson'. Louis snapped out of his trance falling a bit forward as Niall pushed him gently on his shoulder. 'First words you speak to me in moths lad and of corse you have to make fun of me' Louis spoke referring to the Oi oi remark. He and Niall usually texted but it had been a few weeks since the last text. 'How are you, why are you standing here looking like a freak' Niall looked confused. ' I don't know if i can-' I stuttered a bit. Without me even having to explain myself Niall said ' I know it's hard but you're gonna have to see him at one point or another'. Only a few people really knew about his and Harrys relationship. The boys had always been so keen for their relationship. ' I know, I just don't want him to hate me', 'You know thats not true, he could never, so let's just go in or we're gonna be late'. He put his hand on Louis shoulder and they both walked in to the studio. 

Simon only nodded at the boys when they walked in the room. The rest of the boys stood up, well they almost flew up from heir chairs to hug them. All but Harry, he just sat there looking sad, but like he was trying to look happy. His beautiful eyes locked with Louis. Louis could drown in those ocean blue eyes. 'Hi Haz'. ' Hi Louis'. He felt so awkward it hurt his whole body calling him Haz again. It kind of felt good being back where the boys had spent so many hours writing songs and playing around. 'Louis go get us some tea wont you' Simon said making Louis good thoughts in just a sekond go back to the bad ones, where Simon tortured him and Harry. Louis flew up from his chair a bit too hard so he hit his knee on the table. He bowed down excessively and poetically said ' Anything for the king'. The boys laughed and it almosed felt like the old times at the x-factor house. Louis gazed over to Harry who also had a small smile on his lips that fast went away when he saw Louis looking at him. Louis straightened himself and walked out of the room and straight in to the small kitchen. For the first time since seeing Harry, Louis exhaled deeply. It felt good to get out from that room. He couldn't relax his body while knowing he was so close to the love of his life, the anchor to his rope, the oops to his hi. 'Hi', Louis thought he was going crazy but he turned around and Harry repeated ' Hi'. He looked so beautiful in his flower Gucci suit. ' I think we need to talk' he said.


	2. What am i now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NOTS: This is a continuing part of the first chapter. I will make headers for every chapter that i think is fitting to the plot! Every chapter name will be a line from a song made by the boys.

Harry looked intimidating, his eyes were dark and the bags under them was showing. This wasn't the Harry Louis was used to looking at. His Harry had eyes green like a forest and dimples that Louis could spend hours looking at. He had lived long enough with Harry to know his different emotions only thru his eyes and the Harry that is now standing in front of him isn't a pleasant sight.

Louis swallowed hard and when Harry saw Louis adam's apple move he snapped out of his thoughts." I'm only going to say this once okay, so listen close." Harry's voice is deep and serious. 

Louis knows Harry wouldn't want to see him or talk to him but at least he didn't think Harry would act like this. Harry's angry side didn't show itself that often but when it does he knows it's serious. 

Louis wants to say something but at the same moment Harry starts again," I don't want you to talk to me, I don't want you to smile at me and in fact I don't want you to even look at me". That took Louis breath away and he just stands there looking in Harrys eyes. 

After the short moment of silence Harry continued." Am i making myself clear Lou?". Although Harry's voice screams of hate, Louis still wants to smile at the nickname. He doesn't smile and he instead speaks his first words, "I Just want...I just think we should talk". He takes a step towards Harry but that just leads to Harry taking two steps back." This isn't like us Hazz." He's not sure if it's safe to use the nickname. It's not like Harry can get any more angry so Louis continuous." We always talk about things, we haven't spoken in years. I know i hurt you... Just... Just let me talk to you", Louis words is almost so silent that Harry can't hear them. 

Louis was now so close to Harry that he could almost feel him breathing. This is promising Lou thought. He knew Harry had every right to be angry with him but as he said, they always talk about the things that is bothering them. Louis now feels Harry's big warm hand on his chest. Then he feels a push. Louis body swings back in a second and his back hits the counter top. Harry looks shocked at the force he used but it looks like he just as fast shakes that feeling away and says," Not a single word". 

Harry walks away leaving Louis in a gaze of shock. Everything hurt, both physical and mentally. Louis is sure Harry didn't mean to push him so hard. Louis is much smaller than he is and Harry probably just accidentally pushed him a bit too hard. Louis hadn't shown any emotions when he was pushed but now he could feel the tears filling his eyes. He shut them closed not letting any tears leave. He just couldn't go in to that meeting with tears on display like that, he just couldn't. He places his hand on his back and then takes it back to look at the blood now on his finger top. It wasn't a lot but when his back hit the handle of the drawer it made a small cut on Louis lower back. It was so small that even one touch by Louis finger made the blood stop coming out leaving only a little mark.

Before opening the door to the room he has just been in, Lou takes a deep breath. The door was hard to open whilst carrying the tea cups on a cutting board. He managed to open the door and slowly walked in not to spill anything.

The laughter stops and everybody is looking at him. Niall quickly stands up to to help him with the cups." Well that took you long enough" Simon practically spits out the words. "Well assistant isn't exactly one of my job qualification but I'm pretty good at singing actually", the tension in the room went away as Niall's familiar laugh filled the room. Louis randomly starts singing a song about nonsense and Liam fills in with some beatbox.

Harry didn't pay any attention to Louis during the meeting not even when he was speaking. Louis was so use to him and Harry sending each other flirtatious looks, this feels so weird. The meeting had gone so bad, worse than Lou thought. The things Niall had said too Lou before the meeting was all wrong, Harry did infact hate him and every little bit of hope that him and Harry would get back together had now left Lou's mind. 

Even though he knew he had no right to be mad at Niall, he still feels resentful when they hug goodbye after the meeting. Harry didn't even think about saying goodbye Louis though when he saw him walking fast out thru the door. Of Course he didn't. Lou stayed until he was the last one left. He stood outside the building trying to find his lighter as he searched through his pockets. He placed the lighter in front of the cigaret that was placed in between his lips. It was always hard lighting a cig when it was raining but after years of training Louis finally got the cig burning. Whilst looking out in the rain Lou thought about a song lyric the boys had written many years ago. "I can make your tears fall down like the showers that are British". Lou wrote that line after he and harry had a huge fight.

5 years ago

"Don't look at me like that, you know i don't want this just as much as you" Louis said, "Lou can we please go in it's freezing out here." It feels kind of dumb standing out in the shivering rain. They had just been on a walk when the usual London weather kicked in. The fight had started early on the walk, they were now almost home when Harry had started uncontrollably crying. The day before was the day him and Eleanor had gone "official". Of course it wasn't official because Lou was with Harry, but the fact was still hard on him." I honestly don't think we can make it thru this Lou", Louis went silent before saying "Don't fucking say that shit, don't you ever say that Harry." They were both now crying. Lou hated this, it felt like they were in some stupid romantic drama movie. It took a week before things went back to normal after this fight.

Present.

HARRY

Harry purposely made it so he would be the last person to the meeting. He couldn't stand the idea of having to make small talk with Louis or having to spend usless time around him. 

Harry had spent so many days thinking about Louis that one day it all just kind of stopped. He couldn't remember when it had happened but a few months ago it all just kind of stopped. When he had found out about the reunion it all came back in a second. The years without Louis and the pain that brought Harry to pieces every day. It all came flashing back so hard that Harry had literally vomited. He had stood up from the table where he had gotten the call and he had to rush to the toilet to actually vomit. And here he was, standing with only a door between him and the exact person that had brought him all that pain. The first few years Harry had been so heartbroken that he cold only feel pain. The last year though that pain had turned into anger. Harry didn't know what or why something changed in him but he couldn't feel happiness anymore, he just felt angry. He didn't just feel angry with Lou, he felt angry with everything happening in his life. It kind of scared him sometimes, that feeling. He had started doubting himself and he kept asking himself what even he had become, it was like he himself didn't even want him around anymore.

His fist's is locked in a hard position making his blue painted nails push thru his skin. It hurts but in a good way, in a distracting way. He opens his right hand and slowly puts it up to open the familiar door. 

Whilst walking in to the room where he had been so many times the realisation hit him hard, Louis was not there. All the other boys are here though except for Niall. Hopefully Niall gets here before Lou so that when Louis comes they can start the meeting right away. 

Harry has almost not finished sitting down when the door starts making a worrying noise. His worry got confirmed as he saw the two people walking thru the door. One of the people being one of his best friends and the other one being the love of his life. That same person also being the last Harry would want to see.

"Hi Haz.", " Hi Louis", the exchange was quick and short. All the other boys had gone up to hug them but upon hearing Louis speak that nickname everything is now black in front of Harry. He can feel the anger rising inside him. How dare Louis say that name, call him that. He quickly release the pressure from his hand as he felt the blood. Harry must have disappeared in his mind for a long time because the next thing he registers is everyone laughing and Louis for some reason is now bowing down. Louis walks out the door. A confused look now takes over Harry's face, and Liam can clearly see that. Liam is sitting next to him, Harry can clearly see the worry on his face as he looks down at Harry's hand." Go clean that up and just take a second to breath, lad u look bloody awful", Liam said the sentence quite so only Harry could hear it. He excuses himself and walks out the door. 

The cold water is actually nice on his hands. He looks in the mirror and realizing how knackered he is looking. On his way back from the toilet he sees Louis in the kitchen and in a second the anger is back, Without Harry even realizing it he is now standing in front of Louis telling him they need to talk. Harry has no idea what he wants to say next. He can see how Louis is looking and examines him. He gets more annoyed and Harry thinks to himself how he never wants to talk to Louis again. And that is exactly what Harry says to Louis. He explains how he doesn't want Louis to even look at him. Of Course this isn't true, bloody hell all Harry wants is for Louis to look at him. For Louis to realize how much he is hurting without him in his life. Harry now realized how close Louis is to him. He gets terrified and puts a hand on him to make him take a step back. Without even realizing it Harry with whey too much power now pushed Louis back. He freaks out and all he wants to do is rush to him and apologise. Louis however does not show a single emotion so instead Harry says the first thing that comes to mind. Harry have to get out of there, he can literally feel himself starting to have a panic attack. He leaves the room after finishing the sentence. He only gets a few meters before collapsing on the floor. With his back against the wall while he viciously tries to breath again. Harry can't believe what he just did. He has only hit Louis once and that was by accident when Lou was in the way of another guy how Harry actually intended to hit. Harry could hear Louis in the kitchen and he now rushed to get back to the room before Louis could see him.

He needs to talk to Louis now that the meeting is over. He is the last person to leave the room. When he walks out he catches Louis in a hug with Niall. He is just about to walk up to him and apologise when he sees it. It small, very small but its there, a small stain of blood at the bottom of Louis white t shirt. It's like someone kicked Harry in the stomach upon realizing he had done that too Louis. He thought Louis was fine because he didn't look hurt when it happened. Harry could feel the panic attack coming and rushed for the door. He felt pathetic not talking too Lou but he had no other choice but to get out. What have i become he thinks to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked this chapter. I know that it was kind of boring and not a lit happened but thought it was necessary!


	3. Olivia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: This chapter contains a bit of self harm so please don't read if you triggered by that.
> 
> WARNINGS: This chapter has a tiny bit of Smut so if your triggered by that then don't read. (it's not a lot)
> 
> Please read the notes at the end of the chapter :)
> 
> If you like it then please Vote! Enjoy.

"I told you I don't want to Niall, why can't you just bloody accept that". Louis had been on the phone with Niall for a whole hour. "S going to be fun Lou, come on.... It's been years since we got absolutely shit faced together.

The past week had mostly consisted of Louis drinking beer alone in his flat. He hadn't really felt like going outside. The beer always got him in a better mood. He had thought about smoking some weed but he never liked smoking alone so the little bag just kind of sat there.

"Can we smoke if i go with you?" he sounded a bit too excited. " You know i don't smoke but Liam will probably join us and he smokes sometimes..... So yeah". Louis went silent for a moment, "don't worry he won't be there, please it will be fun... just you me and Liam i promise". It was like Niall could read Louis mind because that was exactly what he was thinking, will Harry be there.

A sudden feeling of getting absolutely thrashed entered Louis body and finally agreed to join Niall to the club. They were going to meet at a bar to then go to one of the local clubs. Louis wasn't excited to go clubbing and he thought about how that would be the first time he was outside in a week.

He realized the smell that was bothering him was in fact himself. He put down the phone and dragged his hand thru his hair. He quickly got up and started heading for the bathroom. He stood in front of his mirror watching himself button up his shirt. The shirt slowly slid of his shoulders and his hand like an instinct went behind his back. His finger feeling for the little wound Harry had left the week earlier. Of Course the mark was gone because it had been so small but Louis had quite enjoyed knowing he had a bit of Harry on him again. He felt a bit ashamed when he thought about Harry making more marks on his body. Had Louis thought it was quite hot when Harry used force like that on Louis body. They were never really rough in bed while they were in a relationship but yeah a little part in Louis had found the whole situation hot. "What is wrong with me" Louis whispered quietly and placed his hands in front of him.

Louis could feel himself growing as he pulled down his pants. His cock twitching. He turned the water on in the shower and stepped in. Although Louis had grown quite hard, he didn't touch himself. For some reason Lou had wanted to punish himself. For what reason Louis didn't know, all he felt like was being punished.

Louis felt a bit unease when he jumped in the cab outside his flat. He really needed to pull tonight. He needs to stop constantly thinking about Harry. Harry with his stupid dimples, stupid eyes, his stomach full of tattoos and his stupid, stupid big hands. Okay Louis seriously needs to stop, he can't arrive at the bar with hard-on.

Louis didn't have the best relationship with the paps. As soon as he saw them all he could think about was when he and one of his beards had to be seen in public. It didn't help that they were absolute twats either.

He jumped out the cab who had driven to the back of the bar. Since it wasn't anything special happening tonight the paps wasn't really out yet. The Eroda was Louis all time favorite bar, he had been there so many times that he knew the people who worked there. They always helped him hide from paps and therefore Louis had a back door he always got to go thru when he visited. The entrance led right into the kitchen where Louis always stopped to say hi to everyone.

"Hi Emily, how did that test go?", Emily was the owners daughter and she had even babysat Freddie once. "It went absolute shit", "s not okay to swear Em", Louis pointed out. "You do it all the time lad". Louis felt a hard pat on the back from Emily's dad. " Oh, that's fucking right i do", everybody laughed. Louis excused himself and went into the actual bar. The bar was right next to a club so it was usually really crowded at the Eroda. This night however it was pretty empty and Louis could immediately spot Liam and Niall. Well in fact he could probably close his eyes and just find them from Niall's laughs.

"Oi oi" Louis greeted himself. " what are we laughing about here then?" Louis said as he sat down. Liam moved himself a bit so that Louis could fit in the booth. "Liam...he...he actually tripped outside the bar and a pap snapped a photo of it" Niall could barely finish the sentence in between his laughs."Mate s not that funny" Liam said and he actually looked kind of annoyed. "Well i was promised to get shit faced so I'm going to the bar" Louis said and abruptly stood up.

Louis came back to the table carrying a tray of shots. "Ey, mate are you proper crazy" Niall looked scared looking at the tray of shots, he counted them and got up to 15. "I thought you were supposed to be Irish" Louis had a grin on his face. "Yeah but five shots each, Lou we just got here". Louis had actually tough five shots was a bit stingy but had decided to buy a lot more later. He felt a bit embarrassed at Niall's comment. Liam could see the worry in Louis face.

" weeeee....like to drink with Niall" Louis eyes snapped up to meet Liam's. The boys always played this game when they were still in the band. Louis started loud and clear chant with Liam. "cos Niall is our mate". Niall that had just realized what were about to happen looked angry but he still placed the shots in front of him. "And when we drink with Niall he gets in down in 8.7.6" Liam and Louis excitedly counted down as Niall started one after one the shots. He made sure the shot glasses touch the table before downing them.

The boys continued drinking. Niall and Liam didn't have as good tolerance for alcohol as Louis did. It only took about an hour before they decided to start dancing. Louis who was looking forward to smoking a bit of weed realized that plan had long gone went out the window. Louis knew crossfading wasn't a good idea. He still wanted a cigarette so he decided to go out to the back not risking the Paps seeing him.

It was dark outside and the air was really clear. It had rained all day and Louis loved the fresh air after some rain. He put a cig in between his lips. He didn't light it right away though, he just wanted to feel it on his lips. He rolled the lighter around in his hand and he just kind of looked at it. Louis raised his hand up in the air. He placed one finger in front of his face. With his other hand he took the lighter and placed it under the finger. As he made a flame appear from the lighter he could feel the heath on his skin. He quickly pulled away from the pain. Just a second after he placed his hand out flat in front of him. Now making the fire burn the palm of his hand. This time he held it there for a moment, letting the pain take over.

A loud sound made Louis snap out of his trance. Hi brought the lighter to his cigarette that was still placed between his lips. The cig now a bit too wet from being soaked for a long time by Louis saliva. He took a deep inhale of the cigaret as he looked over to where the sound had come from.

A big door being closed and a guy in company by two girls were standing outside the next door club. "Yeah well fuck you Anna, seriously fuck you" one of the girls screamed at the other one as she placed two middle fingers up in the air. The guy now had his arm around one of the girls as they turned around and started walking away from the club. The girl who had been screaming now turned around and started walking towards the direction Louis was.

She had her head down and it looked like she was talking to herself whilst searching for something in her bag. Her head snapped up right before she was about to walk past Louis. "Oh perfect, please tell me you have a lighter?". Louis was a bit shocked but handed here the lighter. He felt embarrassed like she for some reason could know what he did with the lighter just a minute ago. He looked down at his palm who now had a gray burn mark at it. It hurt but Louis enjoyed the pain, he pressed his fingers on the burn. "Is it okay if i smoke weed?" Louis had almost forgotten the girl was there. "Yeah sure" he took a quick pause before he continued "had a good night?", he gestures against the club where the girls had just been. "I'm so sorry you had to see that, s just my shit friend and the shit as guy she pulled", she walked up to Louis and handed him back his lighter before leaning against the wall. She slowly started sliding her back down the wall until she was sat on the ground. Louis decided to sit down next to here. He stubbed his cig and immediately took out another one. There was a bit of roof covering the spot they were sitting at so it was dry.

"So if you want to rant about it that's okay" Louis said with a laugh clearly making the girl a bit more comfortable as her shoulders dropped. " Okay to make a long story short" Louis knew when people started a sentence like that it would definitely not be short. " I just moved here with my friend, that girl who I was shouting at" she pointed towards the club and Louis nodded in response. " Well we've been here two weeks now and she has been with that fucking bastard dude every single day" Louis laughed in response. "And it's not like I know anyone here so I've been alone every single day and not to be rude but London people is not exactly so keen to making new friends". " I'm not from London so i get what you mean" Louis quickly defend himself. Louis was almost finished with his second cig and was kind of tired of talking to the girl. She was really nice but Louis was just not in the mood to talk but he did feel bad for her. "Why don't you come and party with me and my two mates" Louis stood up. " Are you sure, i don't want to be a drag", "no it's fine, it will be fun i promise". As the girl stood up she placed her hand out and said "Okay sure, I'm Olivia by the way". "It's really nice to meet you Olivia, i'm Louis". He was sure she probably very well knew who he was but if she wouldn't say anything then neither would he.

The bar was a bit more crowded as they walked back in. Louis was relieved when he could see Liam and Niall back at the table. The guys were a bit shocked when they saw Louis walking up to them with a girl. "Lads this is Olivia, she has shit friends and she is ready to get drunk with us". Olivia bowed down and said "that i am". Olivia was actually really funny and nice. They sat at the table and actually had really good conversations. Liam and Niall really seemed to enjoy here company. Niall was laughing more than ever and Liam seems to be flirting.

The bar was extremely crowded and although it was a popular bar it usually wasn't this crowded on a Wednesday. "I wonder why there are so many people here" Louis said not even intending for the boys to hear. Louis could see Liam and Niall's faces shift. "What's up?" Louis asked as he could see the grin on Liam's face. "Well i think there was a concert near here tonight" and it was like something just clicked in Louis. "Oh really who?" Olivia asked excited. " Ehm... Well Harry" Niall didn't even finish the sentence. The table went completely silent.

There was a reason The Eroda was Louis favorite bar, it was because whenever they boys had performed in London whilst they still were in the band, they always went to this bar. It was tradition and Louis knew Harry liked his habits. " You said he wouldn't be here" Louis didn't care that Olivia heard everything he said, Louis was fuming, "We can't know he will be at this exact bar Lou, I thought he would be busy with the concert", "of fucking course he's going to come here, it's a habit Niall, Harry never breaks habits".

Louis couldn't focus on the conversation after that, he just kept waiting. Knowing that in any given second Harry Styles could walk in. " I can't take this, i think I'm going home". " but it's only 2, come on he's not even here" Liam protested. " actually i think I need to go home and make sure my roommate hasn't been kidnapped" Olivia said and made everyone laugh. She wrote here number down on a napkin and gave it to Liam. Louis hadn't seen Liam smile like that in a long time. It had taken Liam a long time getting over his ex.

Louis hugged the drunk boys goodbye and he and Olivia headed for the exit. Louis although being really drunk remembered all the paps. He grabbed Olivia's wrist right before she was about to walk out. Olivia was also really drunk so she almost fell to the ground. Louis caught her as she almost fell and they laughed. " I can't go out there, there are paps everywhere" Louis said when they stopped laughing. " Right, okay let's leave where we entered" Olivia started tipping on here toes like she was a robber from an animated movie and without even thinking Louis started doing the same thing. They must have looked ridiculous and they started viciously laughing when they opened the door to the kitchen. Loudly Louis scream goodbye to the kitchen staff and then they left the building.

" I had a really good time here tonight, thank you Louis" Olivia said as they stood in the cold air. "Yeah me too, I'm glad your friend left you". " Well i call you a cab, i can walk from here I live really close" She struggled with her phone but eventually called. They struggled telling the taxi driver where Louis lived because instead of just telling Olivia his address he tried to show here thru charades. Eventually the cab was booked and Olivia said she'd wait with Louis.

Olivia had barely hung up the phone with the taxi driver when a cab pulled up. "Well that was rather quick" Louis stumbled on his words. " Like really quick" Olivia confirmed. The taxi driver went out of the car and went around to the other side.

The air was cold and Louis had felt a drop of rain land on his face. It was like every pain he had ever felt in his life came back in a sudden breeze. S like someone soccer punched him right in the stomach. When Louis saw Harry step out of the cab and turn around to see him. Their eyes locking in a second and Harry immediately stopped smiling. He looked away from Louis and together with his company they started walking towards the bar.

Louis couldn't move, he couldn't breath he tried to get Harry to look at him but he failed. It was like Louis was invisible to him. Just as quickly as he got here he was gone. Harry had just walked past him for a second but it felt like an eternity. Louis finally snapped out of his trance and looked at Olivia. She looked really unbothered, of course she knew from their conversation earlier that Louis didn't want to see Harry but she couldn't possibly know why. Olivia was just standing there with here hands out feeling for the rain. "It's starting to rain", she sounded bothered "you should start walking home before it gets any worse", " are you sure you'll be fine?" she was so kind. "Of course i will, I'll talk to you later".

Louis stood there for a long time. He was soaked from the rain but he didn't care. When his cab pulled up he just ignored it, pretended like it wasn't his. He couldn't move, not even a single muscle.

After standing there for probably 15 minutes he suddenly feel the urgent need to puke. There was now a group of girls standing outside the club. Louis didn't want to puke next to them. He knew there was a staff bathroom just next to the back entrance. He slammed the door open and rushed to the bathroom, it was locked. Now he started to actually panic, he could not puke in the kitchen. He rushed out in the bar, it was full of people. Louis got pushed by the flock of people. He rushed to the bathrooms and just in time before he started puking in one of the stall's. He was really sweaty even though he was freezing from standing in the cold for so long. After a while he left the stall and when he saw himself in the bathroom mirror he was relieved over the fact that he looked better then he felt. He filled his hands with cold water and drained his face. The water burns a bit in his palm but Louis had gotten use to the pain by now. He had been digging his nails into the wound all night, craving the pain. He felt as he deserved the pain.

It was really about time that Louis got home, he felt awful. On his way out the bathroom door though, he immediately got pushed back by someone walking in. His hair was not long or curly anymore, it was short and Louis though he kind of looked like a teenager in that hair. He liked it better long. Louis noticed the dark green suite and he didn't need to guess twice that it was a Gucci suite. Harry stood right in front of him, Harry's eyes placed right on Louis.

"What are you doing", Louis tried, confused as to what Harry wanted. The silence was almost awkward which Louis hated. " Somebody can walk in here Harry" Louis knew Harry also was very aware that they weren't allowed to be seen together alone. Just as Louis finished his sentence they could hear talking outside the bathroom door. Harry all of the sudden took Louis wrist and led him in to one of the stalls and closed the door behind them. At that very second Louis could hear two people walking in to the room. Louis and Harry was now extremely close to each other in the tiny bathroom stall.

" Seriously Hazz what are you doing" Louis whispered the words so only Harry could hear them. "Don't call me that" Harry's voice was dark even though he whispered "you have no right to call me that" he continued. Louis was sure Harry could hear his heartbeat. It was beating so hard standing this close to Harry for the first time in years". Louis heart wasn't the only thing beating hard though, he could literally feel the blood pumping in his cock.

" Trying to make me jealous, are we now" Harry was clearly drunk stumbling on his words. "Jealous, what are you.." Louis didn't get to finish his sentence before Harry started again. "With that brat little girl out there....Trying to get me too notice hmm?" Louis was silent "I thought I was being quite clear when i said you weren't allowed to look at me".

Louis was seriously getting quite annoyed at this point. Harry was being so hypocritical."Seriously Harry what are you on about....If it's Olivia you're talking about then fuck of i couldn't care less what you think" Louis didn't usually talk back to Harry like this. " And secondly it's fucking you that pushed me in here, talking to me, looking at me.... I don't want anything to do with you so just fuck of".

Louis could see Harry's face change a bit, he actually looked quite hurt. "Your just confusing me Harry" Louis said in a calmer voice but still whispering. "Just bloody piss off, stop being everywhere all the time making me have to see you" Harry sounded really angry again. "Okay i make it easy for you then" Louis said as he pushed thru Harry and slammed the door open to the now empty bathroom. He stormed out leaving Harry in shock.

Louis could barely breathe, he was in complete shock. He was sobbing and frantically started searching for Liam or Niall. When he found them booth he fell into Niall's arms. He could barely breathe at this point.

Niall and Liam helped Louis home and Niall spent the night in Louis guest bedroom. It was actually the first time Niall was there since Louis had moved in. Louis hadn't explained to the boys what had happened, he had not been able to stop crying. Niall knew he needed to be there for Louis in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I'm so sorry about the ending. In Fact I'm sorry about this whole chapter i know it's heartbreaking. I just think it's important to point out that love isnt easy and the boys are going to have to struggle for a bit before things get better. If you have any suggestions please write them in the comments! Also what do you think about Olivia, do you think she should be a part of the story after this?
> 
> If you liked it please give cudos for it and i will be back with the next chapter soon.


	4. SINCE 18

\--------2010

This is all so hard to believe. Louis can't wrap his head around the situation he’s in. He’s currently sitting around a faire place with 4 complete strangers. 4 incredible strangers that he's supposed to be in a band with. The boys was formed as a group only weeks before this and now they're all sitting there with blankets around a fireplace at Harry's grandads bongdalu. The day had consisted of playing football, singing and a lot of swinging. Zayn however didn't know how to swim so he’d gotten a bit grumpy and went for a nap instead. Louis had spent a lot of time talking and playing around with the curly headed one, Harry. Louis really enjoyed Harry's company and to Louis it felt like he’d known Harry his whole life. They were just really comfortable around each other. He loved Harry’s curls, Louis took every reason to touch them whenever he could and Harry didn’t seem to mind.

\-------

“Lou where are you?” he could hear Harry screaming from the house. “I'm down here Harry, at the street”. “What are you doing sunshine?” Louis loved that nickname, sunshine. “Nothing Hazz, i'm just watching the sky i guess”. Harry jumped up on the stonewall Louis was sitting on and sat down next to him. “What do you even mean, watching the sky?” Harry sounded confused. “I don't know Harold, i'm just---I don't even know what i'm doing”, Louis had been in a bad mood all day, he didn’t even know why he just felt a bit sad.

“Hey” Harry jumped closer and put his arm around Louis shoulders, “What's going on, I can clearly tell somethings up Lou”. Louis looked up at Harry and their eyes met. “ I just feel----I don't know, I guess i'm just a bit down”, Louis could feel an actual tear forming in his eye, he panicked, “ Nothing to worry about though” he tried to play it off.

Harry looked at him for a long time probably not buying Louis fake smile. “I’m going to tell you a story” Harry had a calm tone as he spoke, “I once met this guy, the funniest lad i’ve ever met” Louis put on a grin as he thought he was the funniest guy Harry knew. “The guy was always so happy but he had a problem”. The sun was warming Louis skin and the wind was nice, Louis could almost smell the flowers over on the other side of the street. “What was his problem” Louis asked. “Well, he wouldn't let himself feel anything but happiness, even though his best friend knew he wasn't happy.” Could Harry be talking about him, he was wasn’t he. Louis could now feel the tear despite Louis desperate attempt at keeping it in, it now begin fall down his cheek.

Harry was quick to notice the tear and he slowly brought his hand up and wiped it away. “You know its okay to be sad Louis, you know i'm always going to be here for you”, Louis was quite. “You don't have to, but if you want you can tell me what has happened”. Louis himself didn't even know why he was feeling this way, “I don't even know why i'm feeling like this Hazz”. “That's fine to Louis” Harry answered, “I just----I just need you to be here for me today” Louis went awkwardly quiet “ is that okay?” he asked. “Of Course Lou, i'm all yours today okay!”. Louis smile went big, stretching from ear to ear. Harry also started smiling wide and that's when louis noticed it, “oh my god Harry, you have dimples”. Harry laugh “you haven't noticed that before?” he asked in between laughs. “ No actually--- I like it though!”. They both just kind of sat there for a while, letting the sun burn into their pale faces.

\------ 

THE MORNING AFTER:

The smell coming from the kitchen was unbelievable. “Oi, what's that smell” louis shouted as he and Harry got in the house again. “S potato stuffed with garlic and Zayn is out at the grill cooking up some stakes” Liam said, looking well proud over the food in front of him. “Are we eating dinner already, it's only two o'clock” Harry sounded confused. “No mate it's lunch” an overly excited Niall came in the room wrapping his arms around Harry's shoulders.

Louis feelt overprotective over Harry for some weird reason, he didn't like the fact that Niall had his arm around him. And Harry did say he was his for the whole day. Is it normal feeling like this over a friend, a best friend. Louis was sure he was straight and he was in fact in a relationship with a girl named Hanna. But Louis was still counfused over his and Harrys friendship.

Harry noticed Louis face wasn't smiling anymore and he immediately took out the te pot. “I’M making you some te Lou”, it wasn’t a question so Louis didn't answer, he just smiled at Harry.

When the food was ready and Harry was done with his and Louis te, they all went outside to eat. They sat down on the patio with their plates. There wasn't a table outside so they had to sit on the ground, but it was nice out in the sun. Louis and Harry sat close to each other and their banter almost turned into a food fight.

At the end of the day Louis feelt way better and it was all because Harry had dedicated the day to making Louis happy. Him and Harry even went to buy some dinner at the store but they ended up buying all of Louis favorite candy and crisps instead.

“What should we do tonight then lads?” Zayn asked whilst sipping on a beer. “I dont know I’m kind of tired” Niall answer with an overly exaggerated jawn, “I think Louis should get to decide” Harry said patting him on the shoulder. “Why, that doesn't seem fair” Liam said with a grin on his face. “Well i think we should drink beer and watch a movie all night”, Louis looked at harry for conformation as he proposed his idea. “Okay to be fair that does sound nice” Liam admitted. “It's decided then, movie night it is” Harry punched his hand on the table like a judge would.

\-----

Liam was seated with a blanket on the big sofa and next to him was Zayn. Niall had a whole sofa to himself witch he was really excited about. Louis was first unsore where he would sit, he really wanted to sit next to Harry. “Are you coming?” Harry asked Louis and he was happy when he got to lay down in between Harry's legs. With Louis back against Harry's stomach and Harry's hand on his chest Louis felt truly happy. Harry made Louis very comfortable and he always managed to make him smile.

Harry had first been a bit unsure when the boys had earlier that day proposed taking some of his grandfathers beers. However when Harry saw Louis wishing face he couldn't possibly say no. Harry wasn’t sure he could ever say no to Louis and he knew that would be a problem. Despite the boys young age this wasn’t the first time any of them had been drinking. Louis was in fact the only one how in england could legally drink. Liam, Niall and Zayn were all seventeen and Harry was the youngest just sixteen. Harry only drank one beer but Niall and Louis was clearly booth a bit influenced.

After fighting over what movie they were going to watch they all gave up. Louis refused watching anything but grace and Zayn would only watch any other movie than Greece. Harry just kept laughing at Louis drunkenly trying to explain the brilliance of his favorite movie. In the end they just accepted for the second time that week to just watch The inbetweeners movie.

There was a lot of giggling during the movie and some violent laughing, mostly coming from Niall. “I love that dance, dun dun dun” Louis flew up from Harry's tight embrace and started mimicking the dance. Everyone started laughing and Liam jumped up to join Louis in the dancing. “Two step to the right” Liam mumbled silently to himself. “If you’d done this during your dancing on the X factor Zayn then maybe, just maybe you’d moved on” Louis laugh still dancing. “But then i wouldn't be here would I?” Zayn answers and opened another beer.

The only one not amused at Liam and Louis dancing was Harry. He was not happy with the sudden lack of Louis. “I’m cold” He spoke the words quite but just loud enough for Louis to hear them. “Missing me are we” Louis placed himself back in Harry's arms. The other boys didn’t pay any attention to the close relationship the two boys had. They all knew Harry and Louis was the closest and they didn't question it for a second. Normally a close relationship like that would be something they noticed but Louis had a girlfriend and Harry was straight so they didn’t react to their flirtursus ways anymore.

“What if i did” Harry answered to Louis question. “Well i'm back now, if you want an autograph you could just ask you know” Louis said with his usual sarcastic voice. “No that was you remember, you were the one asking for mine” Harry laughed. “Well Harold it wasn’t an autograph, it was only a picture and I was right wasn’t I--- You did become famous”. “Ey, let's not get ahead of ourselves now, we don't even have a band name Lou”. Louis made himself comfortable in Harry's arms.

\--

Louis opened his eyes slowly, he must have fallen asleep. The boys were gone and it was pitch black in the room. Louis jumped a bit as he got scared by Harry moving a bit under him. Had Louis really fallen asleep on top of Harry. And apparently Harry had fallen asleep too because he was actually snoring. Louis turned around smiling, now facing his front body against Harry’s. He placed his hands on Harry's chest and looked up at him, observing Harry's snoring. Louis began laughing out loud because of the little sounds coming out of his best friends moth. That was in fact what Harry had called him earlier that day when they were sat outside on the street. Harry had called Louis his best friend. Louis was lucky to have a friend like Harry, and the fact that they had only known each other a couple of days were crazy.

“Hi there creep, watching people sleep are we know” Harry said as he woke up from one of Louis laughs. “Harold, you are aware that you snore, right?”, “you sound like a helicopter, but a small pink helicopter---A helicopter that little kids play with, that's what you sound like” Louis was pleased with his comparison.

“I think we fell asleep, let's go to our rooms we probably have a couple of hours left to sleep” Louis said looking at the pitch black window.

The boys stood outside each of their bedrooms. “Oh and I wanted to thank you for cheering me up all day, it really helped” Louis whispered not to wake any of the other boys. “I really actually enjoyed myself so it was no problem Lou, as I said I'M always here for you----And think about this Lou, you had a bad day today and you know what that means”. Louis shook his head no. “There's only one direction your mood can go tomorrow and that is up”

They hugged for a long time before going into each room. Harry couldn't stop thinking about Louis, he had a hard time falling asleep again.

\---------

Present

Louis immediately closed his eyes again after opening them the first time. It felt like someone was stomping on his head, kicking him in the stomach. Louis wind to himself as he slowly got use to the bright light.

“Mate, who did this to me” Louis whispered the words as he walked into the kitchen where Niall was standing making some eggs. “S hard to break it to you Lou but i think it was your own fault----I told you those shots in the beginning of the evening wasn’t a good idea” Niall said not even taking his eyes of the eggs. “Ey, lad--- you don't have to scream---My head hurts”.

Louis poured himself a bowl of milk with some cereal, coco puffs to be exakt. “Care to tell me what happened last night ?” Niall now looked up at Louis and saw the bags under his eyes and the eyes themself were bright red from the crying. “I mean you don't have to but if you feel like it”.

Louis was quite for a while. Under the table his hands were digging into the now very sore burn. “Honestly mate I don't have the fucking energy to talk about it, it's just that fucking Styles” Louis began, now a bit annoyed at the thought of the fight from the night before.

“What about him?” Niall asked whilst stuffing egg into his mouth. “I don't know he’s just really giving me some messed up double signals----I mean he acts like he wants nothing to do with me, but” Niall was quite waiting for Louis to keep on going. “He was the one wanting to talk to me yesterday, but he says all these mean things all the time, witch I get because of everything I did to him” Louis hesitated. “But then at the same time he actually came up to me yesterday”. “Well what did he say?” Niall asked. “Honestly mate, Niall I don't have any energy to talk about it right now, I promise to tell you everything later”.

The boys were quiet for a while, just eating their food. Niall all of the souldn broke the silent “Oh and by the way were meeting up with Olivia tonight, she's coming over to watch a movie with you, me and Liam.--- I was Liam's idea, they've been texting about it”. Of course it was Liam's idea, Louis thought to himself. “Yeah sure, that sounds nice, she was nice wasn’t she?” Louis asked. “Oh mate she was properly funny, like one of the funniest people i've met--- No offence”, “Offence taken, but yeah she was really nice i’d think she’d be good for Liam as well.” Louis explained. “Yeah I actually think she would, but do you think Liam’s ready?”. Louis was quite for a while just thinking. “Yeah i think he is, I mean it has gone a couple of years since they broke up now and Liam should also get the chance to move on---- You should have seen the smile on his face when Olivia gave him her number.” Louis smiled. “Yeah you're probably right, I mean Zayn is with Gigi now and they actually seems happy so why shouldn’t Liam get to move on as well”.

Zayn and Liam had been dating since the begging of 2013. They broke up one year after the hiatus begin. They just simply wanted different things in their lives and although they loved each other it just didn’t make sense for them to keep dating. Louis however knew that something inside Liam was still waiting for Zayn to tell him he wanted to try again. Zayn was happy in his new relationship and Liam had to except that.

Louis could feel his phone vibrating in the pocket of his grey sweatpants. He removed his nails from digging in the burn and grab the phone. He read the text silently out loud.

12:32 Unknown number:

Louis i'm so sorry for leaving you yesterday, you were clearly not doing well and I just left you their. I’M shitty <3

12:35 Unknown number:

And btw this is Olivia, I got your number from Liam. :)

Louis smiled upon the message and answers.

12:40 LOUIS

Olivia honey, don't worry I was fine. You took care of me well and besides don't think you weren't a drunk mess as well missy. :)

12:41 LOUIS

Dont think youll get away that easy, I mean you almost fell right on the dancefloor and who saved you???? Oh that's right, that was me.

Louis phone vibrated almosed emitatly.

12:43 OLIVIA

Excuse me! Who was the person that almost made me fell in the first place, oh that's right, you.

12:45 OLIVIA

I just feel bad for leaving you, something about Harry was clearly making you upset, we don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. Just wanted to say i'm sorry!

12:45 OLIVIA

Oh and looking forward to hanging with you guys tonight, hope that's okay? Liam said it would???

“Who are you texting, Lou?” Niall now looked up from his plate. “Oh just olivia talking about tonight”

12:50 LOUIS

I’m serious Oliv, darling give it a rest I was fine! S excited for tonight, going to be proper nice. Maybe we can smoke together if your up for it?.

12:55 Olivia

Always up for it.

Niall left Louis apartment later to go home and wash up. “See you here tonight then” Louis hugged Niall goodbye for now. “Yeah, see you Lou.”

Louis was actually really looking forward for tonight's events.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this wasn't a really exiting chapter but the next one will, I promises. I would love to know what you think so far, should i keep going, is their anything i should change or add?
> 
> If you liked it pleas leave cudos and follow me to not miss any uppdates.


	5. Sucker for love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where she appears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning:
> 
> In this fiction there is talk about self harm and body image so dont read it if that's a triggering subject for you. 
> 
> Hope you like it. -H 
> 
> (Read end nots)

“Lad, honestly I think I'm going to puke, do you really think it's a good time to hang out tonight? Louis was sat on the cold bathroom floor as he spoke to Liam on the phone.

“Yes---Come-on it’s going to be fun, we can just watch a movie or something---Olivia said she was bringing some weed too” 

Louis had just started feeling worse and worse since Niall had left earlier that morning. He had already puked twice and he felt really weak. He felt like a wilted flower.  
Usually when he was hungover Harry would bring him a cup of tea and they would stay in bed all day. Harry would place small kisses all over Louis and tell him how much he loved him. But Louis isn’t thinking about Harry, he’s not.

“Okay but if I have to puke and Olivia runs away and never talks to us again that's not my fault okay?” 

Louis pushed his nails into the burn but was not satisfied as it had already began healing. 

“She wouldn't do that, but good it's still on then” It was more of a statement then a question

“Yeah and you know that because you two are so close huh?” Louis was mocking Liam “S not like that, stop it” Liam spoke quietly. Louis could almost hear Liam blushing.

As the conversation ended Louis decided to make himself a cup of tea. His body felt one hundred pounds heavier than usual when he pulled himself to the kitchen. His head was hurting and the feeling of puking would not go away. 

What hurt Louis most however was the anxiety from his talk with Harry. Why would he leave like that, why didn’t he just stay and talk to Harry. He was acting like a dick, more than usual even but it was still words and they were directed at Louis. Louis was starting to feel like a coward. A feeling he wasn't pleased about. 

Louis noticed the single bag of tea on his cuborn and realised he was gonna have to go shopping soon. He still didn't feel like going outside but he also knew how hard it was for him to sleep without tea. Louis hated the fact that every night, to be able to sleep he had to have a cup of tea. Louis didn't even like tea at first, it was that stupid Harry that always wanted a cup in bed every evening. He used to say that a cup of hot tea in the evening makes you feel warm in the morning or some bullshit like that. Louis hated the fact that Harry still had so much control over his life. But Louis is not thinking about Harry, he's not.

Louis didn't care when he accidentally burnt his lip on the hot tea. The pain was rather relieving. Louis deserved the pain. 

He decided if he was going to make it through tonight he's going to have some sleep. He drank the rest of the tea in his bed before closing his eyes and letting himself fall asleep. 

\------

It was cold and lonely when Louis woke up. He hated it, the feeling of waking up alone. Not having someone there to hug him, not having Harry there. Still not thinking of Harry though.  
He looked over at his phone and saw the time. He was confused as he noticed that it was already 8 pm. He heard a loud noise coming from the living room. He pulled himself up from the bed and took a deep breath before actually standing up on the floor. He slipped his feet in some teddy slippers that Harry got him for Christmas a couple of years ago.

Harry.

No, not thinking about Harry. 

“Some nerve you got to break into my flat like that”, Louis was leaning against the door frame as he saw Liam and Niall fighting over the remote to the TV. 

“Some nerve you got to sleep when you have some really honourable guests over” Niall said, still fighting Liam over the remote. “And who may I ask would that be Nialler?” Louis asked with a posh accent. 

“That would be me” Olivia put a hand on Louis shoulder as she walked past him into the living room. Her hand was warm and a vibrant smell of flowers filled Louis senses.

In her hands were four beers. She sat down next to Liam, who had immediately stopped fighting Niall as he’d seen Olivia walk in. 

Louis almost threw up just from the mere sight of the beers. 

“Is that so?----I thought the guest of honour would be you Niall?” Louis said after a moment of silence, “Tonight I am a gentleman so I've decided to step down from my post and promoted Olivia as new Guest of honour” Niall was beginning to bow as a pillow suddenly hit his face, “honour this” Olivia said throwing another pillow. 

“As much as I love a good pillow fight, I would also like to smoke-----Olivia, down?” Louis nodded towards the door. “Always down, thought I told you that earlier Lou” Olivia begin “Liam do you want some?”, Louis answered for Liam “He doesn't smoke that often”. Liam cut Louis of “no, I don't usually smoke but tonight is not a usual night” He said as he began standing up. 

“And what's so different about tonight” Olivia was almost laughing as she looked at Liam in confusion. “Well me, I'm smoking and that's different”. 

They all started laughing and began walking towards the balcony door. “S’ gonna leave me here are you?----Well then I have some time to choose what we are going to watch, good” Niall was practically talking to himself. 

Louis couldn't stop staring at the lighter as Olivia took it up to the joint she’d brought. She took a deep inhale and then exhaled the smoke. A small almost indistinct cough appeared as she passed it to Louis. 

The smoke was calming, he feels happy almost immediately after taking his first hit. He took a few before passing it on to Liam. His eyes admiring the stars. 

Both Louis and Olivia watch closely as Liam took a hit from the Joint. He had only seen Liam smoke a handful times before.   
Zayn and Louis would almost always smoke on the tour bus. Liam would always complain about the sour smell and then he would pretend to be angry at Zayn. Liam probably only wanted his attention because as soon as Liam got a bit stressed over something he would join in to smoke.

Liam started coughing loudly and Olivia started laughing. “When was the last time you smoked, Liam?” She asked and took the joint.

Liam got quite and stopped smiling. Louis knows the last time he had smoked was the day he and Zayn broke up. 

“It was a long time ago with a friend”. They were all quiet for a long while, just embracing the birds making small noises and the cars driving outside. It was Cold, almost too cold. 

“Thank you guys for last night, I had a really good time” Olivia broke the silence. Her gaze resting on her own hands. She was barely smiling, she almost looked shy. 

“I had a really good time too” Liam answers a bit too fast to sound casual. 

“Yeah honestly Olivia it was a blast--- and i'm sorry about that whole Harry thing, didn't mean for you to get involved like that”.

Louis had to bite his tongue apon saying his name out loud. Still not thinking about him. He’s definitely not thinking about what Harry is doing right now. Definitely not.

“S okay Louis, we literally met because I was ranting on about my friend remember.----- who am I to complain when your fighting with your friend” 

Liam and Louis looked at each other. Silent but loud.

Louis really wanted to tell Olivia about Harry but he'd be crazy to and Louis knew that. They barely knew Olivia but something in Louis told him he could trust her. But at the other hand, if you'd think about the small amount of people who actually knew about them, it would be crazy to tell Olivia. She was in fact a complete stranger. 

Liam was quick to change the subject and they were now discussing colors and their deeper meaning. Higher for every second. 

The wind felt like knives as it stroked Louis cheek. As the minutes passed he could feel himself drifting more and more away. 

He had no idea how the conversation turned from colors to Australia in a second. “I’m actually pretty good at geography” Liam was talking, not taking his eyes of Oliva. 

“I’ll leave you to it” Louis said as he stood up and went back in to the living room. 

Niall was currently watching the news and he was really drunk because for some reason he was dancing. 

“Ey mate, you do know there's no music right?” 

He sat down on one of the sofas. I was cold and stiff. Harry would definitely------- nope, not thinking about him. Louis closed his eyes. 

“There's music in my head Lou” Niall doesn't even give Louis as much as a glare.

“Crack on then----- weren't you supposed to put on a movie mate?” “s’ only shit once so I just put on some TV”. 

Louis feels lonely. He was surrounded with a lot of people, in fact his favourite people. But there was something inside him that was hurting. It was small but significant. The urge to cry and the pain of hiding that. 

He pinched himself in the arm as an effort to focus the pain on something else. It didn't help.   
The pain wasn't nearly enough to feel satisfied. 

Niall was being proper annoying and Louis was starting to build a temper. When Olivia and Liam came back inside he didn't even bother to try and be nice. He ignored the conversations and instead kept his eyes on the TV. 

“But they can’t be dating, I thought they hated each other?” 

”I know but he’s done stuff like this before, we should probably not take it seriously” 

Louis was confused as to who the boys were talking about. He didn't want to ask, didn't want to sound interested but he was.

“Who is dating who now?” Louis looked over at Olivia who just sat there quietly. 

“S’ probably nothing mate, you know how the press can be” Liam put his hand on Louis shoulder. He pushed the hand of because he was now really angry, practically for no reason. 

“What are you on about mate, just tell me”

Niall cleared his throat and he gave Louis his phone and said “just read for yourself”. 

Louis placed himself in an upright position and took the phone from Niall's hand.

‘POPULAR MUSIC ARTIST HARRY STYLES AND SUPERMODEL KENDALL JENNER SPOTTED ON A HOT DATE, IS THE COUPLE BACK TOGETHER?’

The words were hard for Louis to take in. The scentens was sort, but it was there. 

This was just it for Louis, he felt like he was being pressed in a tiny space. A tiny black room with no air. 

He can't breathe.

“The air” was all he got out. 

“What do you mean” Niall was quiet.   
“Just need air” louis said and in a hurry stood up and rushed out the from door. He could hear Liam shouting for him but he just kept going. Louis ended up outside by the busy London streets. 

The air was colder than before and it was hard to take breaths. 

He sat down on the concrete ground, his knees in his face like some sort of fetal positions. He wasn’t crying or anything, he wasn’t even feeling sad. He felt nothing, but one thing was for sure and that is that Louis can’t breath. 

“Deep in and out slow ” 

Louis felt Olivia's hand on his shoulder as she sat down next to him. 

“Louis pleas your having a panic attack you have to breath slower”. 

Why was she there, she didn't know anything about him and here she was pretending they were best mates. But louis wasn’t mad, in fact her instructions helped a bit and Louis breathing began going back to normal. They sat there quiet for a good few minutes just being silent. 

Louis gazed fixated on a small ant walking past his shoe. 

So easy, being an ant. No purpose but to just exist. The ant crushed to pieces as louis placed his foot on it. Pain.

“ I get it if you don't want to tell me” Olivia started, “ I mean we don't know each other and you have no reason to trust me” 

Louis now turning his gaze on her. “But I'm here for you Louis, I don't need to know what’s going on to be able to comfort you” 

A single tear fell from Louis eye. Just one and he felt ashamed. The moonlight reflected his blue sky like eyes and they were beautiful. He placed his head on Olivia's shoulder as she slowly stroked her hand through his hair. All in silence. 

He’s definitely thinking about Harry. 

After a while louis broke the silence “So what do you think about Liam”. 

Olivia's eyes grew wider and she looked shocked. “What’s that supposed to mean Bo bear?” She had a smug grin on her face. 

Upon hearing the nickname Louis flew up “where did you hear that”. He absolutely hated that nickname. 

“Well me and Liam had time to talk about a lot of thing on the balcony, small bean” Louis looked furious “stop that immediately Olivia, if you want to leave here alive”, “Is that a threat Tomlinson?” Olivia now also stood up   
“I'm big, huge in fact” he crossed his arms. “Yeah, yeah keep telling yourself that bean, let's go in its freezing”.  
Louis wanted to go back to the conversation about her and Liam but he decided not to stress things. Louis was just really a succer for love. 

They both started walking slowly back to the flat. The lack of words wasn't awkward, not at all in fact.

Before Olivia opened the door Louis took her wrist and turned her around.

“Thanks for helping me, you actually made me a lot happier” he looked straight into her eyes.

Louis had never really thought about how Olivia looked, but damn she was stunning. Her eyes were like a mixture of his and Harry's, they were mostly green but with an absolutely sweet tint of blue. They looked like pearls Louis thought to himself. Her hair was brown, ending right before her shoulders. The skin on her face was glowing, she was completely and utterly beautiful. 

“It's no problem Louis, you were her for me yesterday when I was feeling down and now I'm here for you”. 

Louis hadn't even thought that Olivia was actually feeling down yesterday. She always seems so happy, he thought she was just bored. But she had actually felt bad about her friend leaving her. Louis felt like a piece of shit for not noticing. 

**

The rest of the night was spent watching Harry Potter, on Liam's demand. The lot’ had been arguing for almost 30 minutes after finding out Olivia had never seen a Harry Potter movie. In the end a decision was made, Oliva got to stay but only if they watch Harry Potter. 

The night came to an end and Louis yawned as he watch his friends put on their shoes. 

Niall was the last one to hug Louis goodbye. He was wearing a blue jeans jacket and no it didn't remind him of Harry, not at al. 

“Try and remain calm tomorrow at the rehearsal okay, it could just be a rumour” 

Louis looked at Niall “Well first of all me and Harry is not together and he's allowed to do whatever or whomever he wants”

The worlds hurt Louis but he continued ”And secondly I promise not to rip his head of, or at least I can try” He out on a fake smile.

The door closed with a hash sound.

An aching pain burnt Louis chest.He had been pinching his arm all night but the anxiety didn't seem to go away.

Louis went into the cold and lonely kitchen. A kitchen regular to most but not to him and not to Harry. 

In this very kitchen Louis and harry had fell in love, they were only young dancing in the kitchen making midnight snacks. 

Only the light from a dim lamp and the refrigerator lit up the room. 

Harry would sing and together they danced, laughing like nothing else in the world matters. 

In that room Louis and harry had fell out of love. Screaming, words that never should have been said, the amount of times louis had stormed of out of the room to avoid the argument. They had never really stopped loving each other but they did fell out of love. All in this very room. But,

It was in this room Louis had spoken the words ‘I don't love you’, the thing that would break the two apart.The thing Louis had thought was the right thing to say. 

The lie that made the beautiful flower wilt. 

\---

His bedroom felt colder than ever, lonelier than ever. 

He stared at himself in the mirror. He felt disgusting. Why is he was so small, why is his eyes shaped like that. The thoughts were hunting his mind.

Of course harry wouldn't want to be with him. Who in their right state of mind would want to look at this body. 

His eyes slowly fell towards the sink. He fixated it on a little rubber band. It was blue and kind of small. He picked the band up and placed it in his hand. He pulled a little on it before placing it around his wrist. The rubber was tight against his wrist and it cut of a little of the blood circulation. He put a finger from his free hand under the band, he pulled it out and then he released. It flicked against his writst and it hurt, the pain was small almost not noticeable but he liked it. 

He did it again, and again.

Louis liked this feeling, he was in control over the pain. He went to bed feeling a bit more satisfied.

\----

He could feel his hand being a bit stiff when he woke up the next morning. The rubber band was in fact a bit too tight and his hand was almost a bit red. 

He decided to keep it on until he could find a new one. 

When he saw the 5 missed calls from Liam and 3 text from Niall he suddenly realized how late it was. His cab was expected in 10 minutes and Louis had just woken up. He also had a few missed text from Olivia but he didn't have time to read those. 

He quickly grabbed the pants that was still on the floor from the day before, he rushed to the closet and just grabbed a random hoodie. He had just finished a sandwich when the doorbell rang.

It was cold outside and Louis could tell that it was going to rain pretty badly today. The ride to the studio feel like an eternity. 

Why is he mad all the time. The past week he was so grumpy and just annoyed at everything. The boys haven’t even come back officially as a band yet but Louis already felt like he needed a break. 

\---

Louis gave William a big hug. William had been their vocal trainer since the x factor and he was one of the people who new the boys best. 

“Well you haven't stopped growing I can tell” 

William was big, like extremely big. One might even say he looks kind if intimidating but in fact he's one of the kindest human beings Louis has ever met. Except maybe from Niall but Louis would never give Niall that satisfaction. 

Niall and Liam was kicking a football around and when Niall had accidently kicked the ball on the drumset and William decided to end the game. 

“ Playing without me, I don't know how to feel” Louis looked hurt, 

“Would never Lou, we were just testing------the air pressure” Niall said unsure “Yes exactly, we were just testing the air pressure” Liam added. Louis just laugh at his two best friends.

“Well let's start with some warm ups shall we?” William now looked serious. Louis was fighting the urge not to scream WARM UP out loud.

Harry was nowhere to be seen, ( louis had been looking) , was he not even going to show up to this. He was probably busy with Kendall, Louis thought as he started pulling on the rubber band. 

“Shouldn't we wait for Harold?” Liam asked almost like he could read Louis mind. 

The room was quiet for just a second before every head turned to the door. In came Harry, Harold Styles. 

The blue coat looked like it cost 1 million dollars. It was adorned with small golden flowers and under he wore a shirt in the same blue color. The black trousers completed the outfit perfectly. Even though Louis really missed Harry's long hair, he still looked perfect in every single way.

Louis looked down at his own clothes. He almost wanted to laugh. 

Compared to Harry it looked like Louis was 12 years old and only wore the same thing, every day. He had the same black jeans as yesterday and the same shoes as he always had.

But the hoodie. 

He feels completely numb when he looks at his own hoodie. He looks up at Harry who is looking back at him. 

‘Oh fuck’ he thinks when he realized that the hoodie is actually Harry’s old. In Fact it was Harry’s old favorite hoodie that Louis practically stole from him. 

Fuck. 

Louis wrist was definitely getting irritated from all the flicks. 

Harry looked cold, almost angry. He said hi to William but after that he became silent. He barely even spoke to Liam or Niall but he was definitely not talking to Louis. In Fact he wasn't even looking at him. 

The warm up was awful. Louis barely recognised Harry's voice, it was so low and harsh. It became very clear to everyone that this was the last place Harry wanted to be. He was actually quite rude. He keeps on laying snatchy comments and short answers. 

Louis could understand if he ignored and was mean only to him but now Harry was a complete dick. 

“ Harry could you please maybe take that an octave higher” Liam tried to be nice but all he got in response was “If everyone just focus on their own shit maybe we can be out of here earlier”. 

Louis was getting tired of this charade

“Yes of course Harold because that's how a band works”.

Harry didn't’ even turn his head around “who gave you the right to speak”. The words were hard, cold to the touch. 

Louis was having a hard time reading Harry. 

“Well I think I can thank democracy for that right”. Almost aggressively Harry's head turned back at Louis. His green eyes piercing through Louis. His eyes a bit darker than usual. 

At first Louis thought Harry was going to kill him with that stare, but then he saw something else. 

It was the first time Harry had looked directly at Louis all day and he was almost positive it looked like Harry had been crying. His eyes were damped and tinted red, the bags under them looked heavy. When Harry realized that Louis was examining him he quickly turn his head back. 

“Okay guys I want you to stand in the position of the Sweet creature beginning, with Harry in the front”. Harry stood still while the rest of the boys stood like an arrow behind him.   
“Okay let's go through this once and then we will discuss those changes I was talking about earlier” William continued. 

“Are you okay Harry?” the question took Louis by surprise, why would William ask that. 

Louis couldn't see Harry's face but he saw him nod as a response. 

If Louis weren't mistaking it almost looked like Harry was crying. 

The music started but Harry wasn’t singing. 

“Fuck this. I------ I just can't do this right fucking now okay.” The room was quiet, everyone's eyes following Harry as he stormed out of the room. 

He saw it, Louis could see the tears falling on Harry's cheek as he took his things and left. 

He left the room in complete and utterly shock. Harry was not one to show many emotions.   
Their management had pushed away those feelings a long time ago. But here he had been, on full display. 

Suddenly the pain on Louis wrist wasn't enough. He wanted more, he craved it and he deserved it. 

“What up with him” William asked but got no response. 

Louis must have lost all self control because for some reason he was now on his way out the room to go find Harry. 

Louis knew it most likely was a suicidal mission going after him, but he just had too.

He was relieved when he noticed now one had followed him. Louis was almost certain he knew where Harry had gone. He headed for the stairs and began walking upwards. Up towards the roof, the roof where him and Harry had spent many hours. 

Louis was still angry about their last encounter. The bathroom stalls. 

Harry had been a dick and Louis had not forgot about it. 

But still, it was Harry. 

The same person who brought him a cup of tea every night before bed, the Harry who would be on the edge of crying every time he saw a baby and the Harry who would call him boo bear. 

IT didn't matter how much Louis hated Harry right now beckus Louis would always be there for him. That's a promise Louis did only a moth after their first kiss. 

Before opening the door out to the roof, Louis made sure to drag the ends of the hoodie over his wrist so that harry wouldn't see the wounds. Then he reach out and opened it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nots: I'm sorry for ending the chapter so suddenly but it was getting too long and when i asked you guys on twitter you'd prefer it to be in 2 chapters. The Story will continue into the next chapter. Hope you liked this one, i know it's not very interesting right now but i promise you it will. 
> 
> Sorry that it's been so long since i posted a new chapter! I haven't really felt motivated, it really helps when you guys give me feedback though!!!
> 
> Also i changed the name of the fiction because i really didn't like the first one!
> 
> If you like it pls leave kudos and i hope you have a great day! Ps. if you have any tips or ideas for the plot pls write them in the comments. 
> 
> Ily - H


	6. IF I COULD FLY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PART 2 OF CHAPTER 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of chapter 5. This chapter is very short but i just wanted to post something. Its not the best but i promise its gonna get better!
> 
> WARNINGS: This chapter contains a bit of self harm so please don’t read if you triggered by that.
> 
> Please read the notes at the end of the chapter :)
> 
> If you like it then please Vote! Enjoy.

\------------------------

Louis knew Harry was angry and he knew he was upset but he was still shocked upon seeing the Harry that was now in front of him. He was walking back and forth on the small roof, his hand cupping the back of his head. He was hyperventilating and the tears was uncontrollably falling down. He was mumbling words that were impossible to understand.

He looked beautiful. Even in this state Harry Styles could look beautiful. It made Louis impossibly more annoyed but he put the thought away.

He took a few steps towards Harry and tried to take a hold of one of his arms. Harry who has not yet noticed Louis, suddenly jumps back when he feels the light touch. His arms falls and they are left hanging on the side of his body. He takes a few steps backwards, still struggling to breath. They just stand there looking into each other's eyes. Although Louis can barely see Harry's eyes because of the thick tears.

It wasn't often Louis got to see Harry cry from pain. Harry was always the stronger one in the relationship. Their management had made sure Harry didn't portray as to sensitive because that's not what the fans want. In the begging Harry was much more sensitive and would actually cry quite often, but it didn't take long until that side of him faded away.

It was almost starting to rain and the last thing Louis wanted was for this to turn in to some stupid scene from one of Harry's romcoms. Seriously why does everything happen in the rain. But at the same time they do live in England so what is they're to expect.

“Haz” Louis took a step closer which only made Harry take one back in response. Harry was still breathing kind of heavy but it was now more collective and not as chaotic. “Haz what is it?, please talk to me”

Something is different in Harry's eyes. Those green eyes use to tell a story about a happy young boy with so many dreams. Those green eyes use to be the reason Louis got up in the morning when times were hard. But now. Now those eyes are barely even green anymore, their dark, almost scary. The story they tell is not a happy one Louis thinks to himself as the silence continues. One might say the silence is awkward or uncomfortable but it's not. This feels different, almost hopeful. Maybe Harry finally wants to open up.

Harry makes a sound as he breaks the intense eye contact. “What did you say” Louis tries very quiet.

“Why are” more silence but Louis waits. “Why are you here” Harry's voice isn't as hard and mean as it was down in the studio. He sounds very sad and the words are so quiet Louis shouldn't be able to hear them, but he does.

In that moment Louis had almost forgotten about the whole Kendall situation. When the thought pops back up in his head he takes a step back and then when he sees Harry's broken eyes he takes a step forward again.

“I could tell you were sad…….and I figured you'd come up here so…I… I just wanted to check up on you Harry” Louis took another step towards Harry.

This time Harry's voice is louder and his face is impossible to read. He’s not angry, not sad, not happy he’s just blank. Like a poem to hard to understand. The words almost falls of his lips, slow and painful. “ I thought you didn't want anything to do with me”. The words sounds taunting.

“What” is all Louis can say, confused as to what Harry means.

“I don't want anything to do with you” the words could kill, the anger appearing in Harry's voice. It’s so dark. “Fuck off was the words you used if i recall”

Yup Harry is definitely mocking Louis. Out of nowhere Louis gets some sort of power, self confidence or something. Tired of reading this poem he thinks to himself as he observes Harry's fist locking up hard. He places his eyes directly on Harry's and the words just comes.

“I'm so tired of your fucking bullshit Harry” He can literally spot the moment Harry's jaw drops by the shock of Louis statement. Even louder this time Louis continues, “ four years and six months” he takes a step closer and Harry doesn't move back, “four years and six months ago I fucked everything up Harry….. Don’t you think i fucking know that”.

Harry takes a step back as Louis gets even closer, his back now hitting the wall behind him. Harry turns his head looking down at the street many stories under them. His eyes flicker back to Louis who hasn't broken his gace.

“I was so fucking close to puking before our first meeting you know… The thought of us in that office…...The thought of being in the same room as you Harry” Harry tried to say something but Louis cut him of.

Now it's Louis time to lower the tone of his voice, sounding a bit more intimidating. “You pushed me Harry” silence. “You pushed me and told me i wasn't even allowed to talk to you”. A single tear falling from Harry's left eye.

Without hesitation Louis took his arm up, placing one finger on the tear and wiping it away. Louis almost took a step back as Harry suddenly fast and hard took a grip around Louis wrist. With his free hand Harry pulled Louis shirt down exposing the read wounds under the piece of gummy.

No words were spoken. Harry was observing the wounds and his thumb was slowly stroking over them. The touchtouch hurt a bit on the fresh ones but Louis liked the pain, deserved it.

Reality came back to Louis and he almost aggressively pulled back his wrist. He wanted Harry's touch, craved it but he didn't deserve it.

“Then you come up to at them club after treating me like air and you….. You were flirting but you were so angry” The words are more quiet than before but still hard and decisive.

“So yeah i told you to fuck off” He placed his eyes on the ground, “and i don't regret saying it, you deserved it” the words were so quiet Louis was hoping Harry didn’t hear them.

Louis stumbled back a step when Harry made his way away from the wall. Louis turned around, he didn't want Harry to leave. Not like this.

“Kendall” he practically screams the words. Harry freezing almost right in front of the door. He’s just standing there.

“ Why do you care” the words short and cold

“I don't” Lie

“S’ not like that” the door closing with the words.

Louis couldn't move just standing alone, feeling the rain starting to pour. The words repeating in his head, ‘not like that’. Was that progress, was that a small breakthrough in the poem that is Harry Styles. He didn’t dare to feel hopeful.

Not feeling hopeful.

2010

Home, it's a weird concept. Home to Louis had always been his parents and the house he grow up in. Sitting next to Harry on plane to Spain feels like home. It's weird he thinks to himself as he is observing the sleeping curly boy next him. He can't really figure out what it is but there's something about that boy that already feels like home.

“A picture would last longer you know” Harry rubs his eyes as he wakes up and catches Louis staring.

“Well i have a camera in my bag if your ready for a photo shoot” Louis jokingly hits Harry's shoulder. Harry pretends it hurt and as he rubs his shoulder he says “well not right now i just woke up, maybe later”. They giggle, because apparently that's something Louis dose now, giggles.

Louis and Harry had bought and tride a tone of candy that they bought at the tax free on the airport.

“here try this one….. It’s supposed to taste like green apple” a single piece of wrapped hard candy was laying perfectly still in harry's hand as he held it up for louis to take.

“ No harry seriously i can’t physically have another piece of candy, i will actually die. We should order some food” Louis couldn't take his eyes of harry.

Harry pushed the button that signaled to the crew that they needed help. A small women came over to them and asked what they wanted.

“ Two breakfast sandwiches plese” Harry said with a pleased smile.

“ And two cups of tea, i always have tea in the morning” Louis stated.

The women came back with their order and also informed the boys that they were landing in about one hour.

Louis looked at his sandwich and then at Harry. Harry had the biggest smile, one of those that made his dimples appear. Louis never wanted that smile to go away.

“Is something wrong Lou?” Harry looked concerned. Louis examend the avocados in his sandwich. “Don't you like avocados or something” Harry asked and the smile that Louis craved for disappear.

“No its fine, I love avocados”, the smile reapeard. He took a big bite of the sandwich and smiled towards Harry. Both of them giggling.

Present time

It took a few minutes before Louis walked down, back to the other boys. He had a weird feeling about his and Harry's fight. There was something about it that was just different. Harry had opened up a little bit.

When Louis opened the door to the rehearsal room the first thing he noticed was that Harry was nowhere to be seen. The second thing was the vibe in the room. The concern on everyone's faces.

“Lou what happened” Niall said with a calm voice.

“What do you mean?” Louis was genuinely a bit confused.

“I've never seen harry so angry and sad as when he came to pic his things up… He literally stormed out of here Lou” Liam filled in

“What did you say to him, what did you do?” Niall's voice was a bit more shaky this time

What had Louis done? The panic came over him like a storm. He cant take this anymore. The paine from the rubber band around his wrist is all of the sudden not nearly enough.

Definitely not feeling hopeful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love feedback so pls tell me what you think.


	7. I loved you first

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this chapter is so short! I currently most likely have corona and i just wanted to post something for you. I promise part 2 of this chapter will be posted as soon as possible

Louis was sitting quietly on his sofa. The day at the studio had been a disaster. The words Harry had spoken was echoing in his head. How could him and Harry even have come to this point.

It was only a few months ago him and Harry would sit on the sofa, talking and laughing. Louis would run his fingers thru those perfect curls and Harry would caress Louis arm. He missed getting to touch Harry and just embracing everything that had with him to do. The poem that use to be Harry was hopeful, but now it's impossible to even understand. Harry had become a riddle too hard for Louis to understand and it was unbelievably frustrating.

Often Louis would think of how young they both were when they met. Would things have gone different if they were older. Would Louis been able to stand up against their management? The thoughts were too painful to think. Louis was almost sure him and Harry would find each other again and be able to come home. But the hope was leaving Louis, more and more everyday.

A cup of tea and then bed. The day had been long and all Louis wanted was for it to be over. The blue tea cup next to his green was almost taunting. It was a stupid joke present Niall had given them when they had their moving in party. Harry of course loved them because he loves everything cheesy. At least he used to. Harry had forbidden Louis to use any other cups and had even for a period of time hidden all their other cups. It hurt Louis a lot when Harry decided to leave his blue cup when he moved out.

I should have fought harder, Louis let himself think whilst pouring the hot water into the cup. Harry should at least have his cup, he absolutely loved this cup. He held the blue cup in front of him. It was a beautiful baby blue color and had a little L engraved under it. Louis placed the cup on the counter, right next to a bottle of rum.

Louis had an absolute shite day and maybe what he needed was to relax. He poured a good amount of rum into a glass and took the cup of Yorkshire tea and went back into his living room. Friends were on and it was the episode where Rachel tells Ross she's pregnant.

\--

It didn't take long until Louis poured up a new, bigger glass of rum and drank that almost as fast as the first one. His body started feeling warm and his mind for the first time that week was relaxed. He laughs at the TV and he was actually enjoying himself.

Harry would love this episode, Louis was definitely not think that thought.

The tea went cold in the absence of Louis not drinking it but instead focused on the rum. He started craving a cigarette which was a sure sign that the alcohol was starting to kick in. Louis was trying to quit smoking but every time he drank he craved it again.

Harry hated when Louis was smoking, Louis definitely did not think about that though.

When he finally came to the bottom of the rum bottle he decided a snack was in place. He walked into the kitchen and started making a bowl of milk and cereal, it was the only meal Louis could cook.

Although once he made Harry this chicken dish for one of their first dates, But Louis was of course not think about that.

A text pop up on Louis phone and he almost dropped it as he fumbled to pick it up. The alcohol was definitely kicking in.

23:59 Oliva

Hi love, what's up? Whatcha doing??

00:02 Louis

Drinking some rum, thinking about tea cups and life.

That damn tea cup. Louis decided he hated the color blue from there on. He in fact never want to see it again. He should break the damn cup right there and then.

00:10 Olivia

Drinking without me, I don't know how I should feel about this!

00:11 Oliva

And why in the world would you be thinking about tea cups at midnight?

00:13 Louis

Olivia don't you know that midnight is the perfect tea cup thinking hour. I'm plotting murder on a tea cup, but don't tell anyone it's extremely secret.

He was giggling to himself. He let out a hiccup and proceeded to sit down at the kitchen table. He didn't take his eyes of that blue cup.

00:20 Olivia

I promise not to tell anyone but hey... don't you think the cup deserves another chance? Besides your fans wouldn't be very pleased if you went to prison right before the big reunion.

A second chance Louis thought over to himself. The drunk mindset had officially taken over Louis mind. In a split second he decided he never wanted to see that cup again and that Harry should have it.

He grabbed a hold of the cup and went to the front door. He put on his Toms and a Jean jacket. He was going to go over to Harry's place, put the cup at his front door and then leave. He wouldn't speak a single word to Harry, he wouldn't even know he was there. It was the perfect plan.

He opened the door but stood still as the shook took over his body.

Harry was standing there with his fist up in the air like he was just about to knock on the door. On Louis door. Harry's hair was a mess, beautiful of course but messy. He was wearing a blue hoodie with some black jeans. He looked just as surprised as Louis probably did.

" I'm sorry i was just going to knock, are you going out?" Harry sounded weak and his arm fell to his side. His eyes were locked to the floor.

"No i was just" Louis thought about what he was actually doing "I was just taking out some trash. He regretted saying the sentence right after saying it. The look on Harry's face didn't make anything better.

"You were taking out trash at midnight?" Harry didn't mention the blue cup in Louis hand but he was definitely looking at it.

Louis could feel his phone vibrating in his pocket, probably another text from Olivia.

"Yeah i guess" Louis answers. They were both really awkward. "so what are you doing here"

"I think we need to talk... and for real this time" Harry looked up and met Louis stare.

"What do you mean...We talked, you screamed, wasn't that real?" a bit of confidence came upon Louis

"Common Lou, I was really upset up on the roof, can we just talk" Harry didn't look away.

"Okay sure, come in" a hiccup slipped out from Louis.

They were both silent as they took of their shoes and Louis went in to the kitchen to put down the blue cup. Harry came in the room and Louis could cut the tension with a knife. The tension was hard to pinpoint, Louis couldn't tell if it was a sexual tension where they both just wanted to rip into each other or if the tension was that they actually wanted to rip each other apart because of pure hatred.

"Do you want something to drink?" Louis stared at the blue cup.

"Yeah i can take a cup of tea please, thank you" And the silence came creeping back.

After a long time of silence the tea was done and Louis sat down at the table next to Harry.

"Could we actually not talk in here" Harry said and confusion formed itself on Louis face. "I don't like this room, too many bad memories you know" And of Louis definitely knew. He thought back to all the fights they had had in that room.

They moved onto the living room and Louis felt embarrassed as Harry picked up the rum bottle.

"Are you drunk?" Louis looked down at his feet, "maybe just a little" Harry placed down the bottle on the table and went up to Louis. He was standing close, a bit too close.

"I can come back if you want, we can have this talk when you're not drunk" Harry almost sounded like his old self.

Louis never wanted Harry to leave again was definitely not what Louis was thinking about.

"No its fine, I'm not that drunk.. I want to talk about it now. Please" Louis almost whispered the words. He sounded weak and needy.

Harry took a step back while observing Louis intensely. He went over to the sofa and placed himself at the end of it. He had his eyes locked to the floor. Louis took a second to look at Harry. He was so big, he's changed a lot since they first met by the toilets at X-factor. But then again so has Louis, it's just sometimes he has to wonder if he's changed for the better or worse. A lot of the time he decided for the worse part.

"Talk to me Harry" Louis sat down next to him, but not too close. Close enough for Louis to get a wift of what he smelled like but not close enough that they touched. It wasn't awkward, it was just so quiet.

Harry took a big mouthful of the tea before he began talking "I'm not with her, you know that right" his voice was hard but silent.

Louis dragged his fingers through his hair which reminded him of the scars on his wrist. He hid his arm on his lap. Very quiet and unsure he said "I don't know anything, but like you can do whatever you want so"

Harry was quick to continue, " well I'm not so" a silent pause. Harry's lips were so red and plumped, his eyelashes covering the lightly blue painted eyelids. The eyeshadow matching shamelessly with his shirt. Louis couldn't help but wonder where Harry had been before this, he was looking especially hot that day. Harry continued "Louis I'm so so sorry I pushed you that day, and I'm sorry I was being a dick at the club" Louis didn't answer he just let Harry talk.

Harry all of the sudden became very iffy and stuttered on his words. " I don't know what to say, I'm sorry I shouldn't have come here. I'm sorry i just" Harry began standing up which made Louis panic. Harry walked quickly towards the front door but Louis was fast up from the sofa and managed to grab a hold of Harry's wrist. He turned around, he looked really upset and looked deeply into Louis eyes.

"I'm tired of you doing this" Louis began "you keep walking away when were actually talking Harry, you obviously have something you want to say or talk about so just spit it out styles" Louis wasn't angry, just determined.

"Your eyes are beautiful when you're angry" Harry's voices had become soft. Louis who was still holding onto Harry's wrist, now let it go and he said "oh don't give me none of that bullshit Harry, don't think you can get me into bed and think that would solve anything"

Something in Harry's eyes had changed just in a couple of seconds. A big and muscular arm slowly wrapped around Louis small waist and they were now so close that Louis could feel Harry's heartbeat.

"You keep doing this.... You keep being angry and hating me then the next second you're flirting" They were both breathing heavily close to each other, not as close as Louis wanted but it was good. "It's like I can't read you anymore Harry, you're like a poem impossible to read, it scares me....why are you acting like this"

"Don't you get it?" Harry's hold became tighter and his eyes along with his voice was darker. Louis shakes his head in confusion. "This is what you did to me Lou, you acted like you wanted me and in one second you left. You left me Louis and i want you too feel the pain that I feel"

Louis broke their embrace "so your doing this to bring me pain? Is that what you're saying Harry, that's mental you know"

Without Louis even realizing it he was being pushed up by Harry against the wall. Louis hand slipped under Harry's shirt. His hand wandering across every muscle on Harry's stomach. Harry placed small kisses to Louis neck and whispered in his ear "I want you to realize that you hurt me, i want you to know and to feel just like I did"

Louis breath was short and deep "but Harry don't you realize I still lo.." Harry took a step back "don't you dare say that, you have no right to say that Louis" Harry looked angry again.

"But I do Harry" He started walking towards the front door. "No you don't, you left me. You took the choice to not fight for us", "I came here tonight because we can't work together if we hate each other but you know what..." Harry looked over at the blue cup "you can throw out that cup, there's no use for it anymore"

Tears had begun falling down from Louis no longer innocent eyes. "What do you mean" he manage to get the words out despite the tears affecting his voice.

" were both grown up now Louis, were not kids anymore. We can have a professional relationship without being friends. At work we talk but I can't manage anything other then that so"

Louis didn't say another word, he just watched as Harry closed the door behind him. Louis fell right on his knees like in some romantic movie. On his knees he was left alone crying. Nobody there to comfort him or hug him. He was alone in the world. His mom and sister was gone, the love of his life had just left and here he was. Pathetic crying in his own hallway.

The doorbell rang and Louis flew up. Harry came back for him. He opened the door and immediately said "i'm sorry if..." He stopped talking when he saw Olivia and Liam standing at the other side of the door. In one hand Liam had a 6 pack of beer.

"Louis why are you crying love" He just fell into Olivia's arms and she tried to calm him down.


End file.
